Delta 1: The Privvy

The Abominable
Attack On The
Delta 1 Privy

Submitted by: Ted Zoutis

The Story Of The Abominable Attack
On Our One Week Old, Newly Enclosed, Fully Screened
Three Hole Privy With Toilet Seats & Covers

One day my assistant CAP commander received a new copy of Playboy magazine. That evening, prior to going on his scheduled nightly patrol he went to our new latrine with his Playboy in hand. A short while later we heard an explosion outside our CP tent. All of us ran out of the tent with weapons and 782 gear. To our horrified sight we saw our new shitter up in flames and Stoney rolling on the ground outside the shitter.

Doc and I ran to Stoney to check out his condition, and I had the rest of CAP personnel manning the fighting positions. The Battalion commander from 3/1 called via radio and wanted to know about our situation and the approach of the VC attack. I told Circumference 6 to wait one for no ground assault on the compound had been initiated, and that it was probably harassment fire. Stoney was fine, and he revealed to us how the shitter was destroyed.

Earlier in the day a new CAPPER had the burning and burial detail for the latrine. Now this new CAPPER was from Motor T and had gone AWOL from his outfit to be in the field with us (an entirely separate story in itself). To make him a part of the team this new CAPPER had to perform certain rituals to see if he qualified to become a member of our team. One of the rituals was to burn and bury the head by-products of the CAP team. This guy did the job with the same enthusiasm as a boot getting an order from his Drill Instructor at Boot Camp.

Now an individual being in Motor T should know the difference between diesel fuel and gasoline. You've guessed it! The boot used gasoline instead of diesel fuel in the cut away barrels when he put them back into our new latrine. So Stoney was reading his Playboy, smoking his Winston, while doing his thing. Stoney opened the seat cover of the other holer and tossed in his lit cigarette so he could wipe his ----. The shitter went up in flames and Stoney came out screaming words we can't print here.

Try to explain that over a PRC 25 to Battalion.

Ted Zoutis

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